


Im Only Human

by larryhowlter



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Famous, Kinda depressing, M/M, Sad, i just dont know why the fuck im writing this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-01-07 22:38:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryhowlter/pseuds/larryhowlter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I have waited so long for you to say something to me, and now I don't care. I don't care that you are sorry. I don't care that you tried to call me. You threw everything away when you left that night. You just left and took everything with you, but now, I don't need your apology. I accept it but it dose not change anything. Louis, you are my bandmate and that is about it. Maybe we could be friends, but at the moment you are an old flame that crashed and burned."</p><p>-----</p><p>Louis ends things out of no where and this is how Harry feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I would Hold my breath, Bite my tongue, and Stay awake till the end of time if YOU asked me to.

Because I would want that glimmer of affection, You would give me. I would do anything for you, even if it meant hurting myself.

And that's what You did, You asked me to do the unthinkable.

And I will do it... for You.

I won't be happy but I know how to Fake a smile, Force a laugh, and Play the part.

I Can Do It for You.

I Can get through it.

But please keep in mind Louis, I'm Only Human.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “It may be over but it won't stop there,
> 
> I am here for you if you'd only care.
> 
> You touched my heart you touched my soul.
> 
> You changed my life and all my goals.
> 
> And love is blind and that I knew when,
> 
> My heart was blinded by you.
> 
> I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
> 
> Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
> 
> I know you well, I know your smell.
> 
> I've been addicted to you.”
> 
> -Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt

~Six months prior~

 

I stand motionless. I feel my body starting to shake as I stare at them.

I knew it wasn’t going to last but I wanted it to oh so badly.

You were becoming distant and when I saw you holding her hand I just knew.

I lost you.

For good this time.

It felt like getting hit by a freight train over and over. It is excruciating feeling and it won’t stop.

I knew there was nothing I could say to make you stay. I saw it in your eyes.

When you look at her.

The way you used to look at me. Oh so long ago. It feels like a life time ago since I have felt your touch. Since I have felt any affection from you.

We had a long run I would give you that, but I knew I was losing.

I lost you after you kissed her in front of everyone. I just knew she won, she stole your heart right underneath me. But I don’t blame you though. I know I should but I don’t. I blame myself most.

I know I must have done something wrong maybe I didn’t show you how much I loved you enough. Maybe I didn’t say I love you right. Maybe I wasn’t good enough, I knew I wasn’t good enough in the beginning.

I knew from the word go, yes I saw it from the beginning but I just took what I got. I cherish it, every single touch, kiss, and feeling. I locked them away in my mind.

I have seen you smile, laugh, and cry. I watched you sleep beside me after a wonderful night. I would stroke your hair just to feel the softness of it. I remember our dreams. We wanted to come out and live happily together. Maybe even have a family after we settle down. But now, everything has changed.

I had your heart for a long time but I let it slip through my fingers and let her claws cling onto you. I should have done something but I know I couldn’t.

All these thoughts go through my head as I turn away from you and walk away. That is all I could do now, walk away.

I fight the tears until I’m alone in my room. I’ll let everything out then but for now I will be strong and get through till the end.

I swallow the lump in my throat and smile into the cameras. I wave at the fans and see them jumping up and down. Some even crying.

I walk up to them and take a couple of pictures and sign stuff until we head into the award show.

The show goes by agonizingly slow and when we get ready to depart I am glad.

I don’t bother saying bye as I leave with one of the body guards and they take me home.

I rush into the flat and I rip off my coat and let everything I have been holding back out. I hear my breathing increase quite fast now. I walk to my room and almost crumple to the floor but I get to the bed. The first wave of emotion is hurt.

Hurt because I thought you were the one for me. I thought I could trust you with the thing most valuable thing, my heart. But all you did was destroy it and stuff it back into my chest.

I grip my chest as I let out a strangle cry and sobs are heard throughout the room. I don’t bother hiding them because nobody is home anyway.

The next emotion in line is betrayal. Betrayal because you told me you would never leave me and that you loved me. I gave you everything I had. I trothed you but all you did was hurt me.

I don’t know how long I stayed in a fetal position. I think I passed out from crying so much. I sit up and stager towards the bathroom.

I look into the mirror and I look like absolute shit and that’s putting it nicely.

My eyes are red from all the crying and my cheeks are red and blotchy. My hair is just all over the place, but the scariest part of me is my eyes.

They hold no emotion. They used to be so bright and shining, now they are dark and hollow. Just like how I feel.

I turn on the water and splash water onto my face. I blink a couple of times and I look better a bit. I should eat because I haven’t eaten since yesterday.

I step out of my bedroom and head towards the kitchen. I grab a banana and peel it. I take a bite when the door opens. I look up and I see Louis stagger in with the other lads and HER.

No. Not now. I can’t right now.

“Harry you missed a sick after party” I just nod and walk towards the living room.

“Why did you come back so early?” Zayn asks

“I wasn’t feeling very well” my voice cracks a bit and it’s raspy.

Liam walks towards me and puts his hand on my forehead. He pulls back and frowns.

“You’re quite warm actually maybe you should take something.”

I nod because I don’t think I could respond again while they are still in the room. Liam hands me the medicine and I take it.

“I think we should let him rest yeah?” Liam tells them

They all nod and say to get well and start walking out. But Louis stays as he says bye to Her.

He walks towards the kitchen and starts to make tea. He doesn’t say anything and neither do I. I can’t say anything to him just the sight of him makes me want to go back in my room and die.

He brings two mugs towards me and hands me one. I don’t grab it and he sighs and sets it on the table. He sits on the opposite couch and purses his lips.

“I made you some tea” he says quietly “Just the way you like it”

Please shut up and leave me alone.

He looks at me but I don’t meet his gaze I can’t because my eyes will give it away. What I’m feeling.

“I wanted to talk to you” he continues

I guess he realizes I won’t respond after a couple of minutes of me siting here silently.

“I’m sorry this happened. I love you don’t get me wrong I do but I love Eleanor now” I close my eyes tightly at the sound of her name.

Please. I’m begging you to stop.

“I just don’t know what happen-“

“Please stop” I whispered/whimpered

“I-“

“Stop” it comes out more forceful now.

He was quiet for a moment.

“I know your hurting because of me but please trust me when I say I still love you. I’m just- I... I don’t know anymore. I want to be with you but I also want to be with Eleanor. If you could just give me time please. So I could just work this out.”

I stare into his eyes and see he has tears in his eyes. I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. He is my everything. I will do anything for him. I sigh and nod slowly.

“Good thank you. Just one more thing. In public can we be less together like less touching and stuff like that”

What? Be less me in public. I close my eyes and squeeze them. This is the beginning of the end, but I can’t do anything about it because I love him and I would do anything for him. I nod again and he smiles at me.

“I’m going to take a shower” I mumble

I step in the bathroom again and turn on the water. I step in and let the water run down my body.

I close my eyes and try to relax. I’m so stupid. Why did I agree to this anyway? Oh right because I’m fucking in love with him.

I know it’s stupid but I would wait forever for him.

I could do this.

I will do this.

For him.

For Louis.

I will do this and I will get through it.

But I hope it doesn't come crashing down.

I will give him his space to think and he will come back to me.

Hopefully.


	3. ch.2

“You don’t want me, no

 

You don’t need me

 

Like I want you, oh

 

Like I need you”

 

You- pretty little reckless

 

 

 

Harry POV

 

*Present Day*

 

I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s been a month since I said yes to give space to Louis. I thought it would be good you know like that saying.

 

About letting something go and they will come back or something like that.

 

But so far nothing has happen. Except for Louis becoming more distant for the last 6 months since that night.

 

He practically doesn’t live with me anymore. He is with her more now.

 

I know for sure now that it is over. What we had is gone.

 

I stare out the window of the tour bus while I have my ear buds in my ears listening to songs.

 

It is quite dark outside. We are crossing some desert in the states. The darkness is sort of comforting in a way. I don’t know how but it is.

 

The lads are asleep and dreaming happily. Me not so much. I can’t sleep.

 

I stare out the window into the darkness of the night. It reminds me of myself sort of. How cold it is and the lack of emotion.

 

I wonder. Does darkness have a name?

 

The cruelty of the dark. How cold it is. How it just feels like your alone and drowning in yourself because you’re so alone. So alone.

 

The hatred. The hate you feel for the people who are happy but in reality you just hate yourself.

 

The way we lost our way. How everything happened so fast and then everything just disappeared in an instant.

 

Does darkness have a name?

 

Would it be your name? Louis?

 

I sigh. I hear the familiar song of I need you now.

 

“Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.”

 

All our memories are so sweet in my mind where they permanently live now. But they are all scattered everywhere.

 

“Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore.

 

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?

 

For me it happens all the time.”

 

I think about Louis so much that it hurts. It hurts so much.

 

“It's a quarter after one”

 

It is actually.

 

“I'm all alone and I need you now.

 

Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now.

 

And I don't know how I can do without.

 

I just need you now.”

 

God I need him so much… and I hate it. Oh god I hate it. I don’t want to love him anymore but I just can’t. I just love him so much.

 

“Another shot of whiskey”

 

I tried it. It doesn’t help the feeling still.

 

“Can’t stop looking at the door.

 

Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before?”

 

I just want it to go back to the way it was. God I hate this song… I love it actually. It’s bittersweet.

 

“And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?

 

For me it happens all the time.”

 

I do wonder if I do go through his mind. I wonder if he thinks about me like I do him.

 

 

 

“It's a quarter after one”

 

Its 1:327 now.

 

“I'm a little drunk and I need you now.”

 

Not really drunk but could be.

 

“Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now.”

 

I told myself I wouldn’t wait for you anymore. But I always lie to myself. And now I’m losing control. I’m losing the meaning of life. I’m not suicidal but I have thought of it though. What it would be like to not wake up and not feel this pain.

 

“And I don't know how I can do without.”

 

I don’t know what to do now that you’re gone.

 

“I just need you now.”

 

Oh I do. I need you now. I hate it! I hate it so much.

 

 

 

“Oh, whoa

 

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.”

 

No I would rather feel nothing actually.

 

“It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.

 

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.

 

And I don't know how I can do without.

 

I just need you now

 

I just need you now.”

 

This chorus though.

 

“Oh, baby, I need you now.”

 

I felt the tear fall from my eyes as I look out the window.

 

“I need you now” I whisper to myself before wiping my eyes and shutting the curtain.

 

Shutting the world away.

 

No more am I going to feel this anymore.

 

This hurt.

 

This sadness.

 

This lost feeling.

 

Not anymore.

 

I will rather feel nothing than that.

 

I stand up and reach up and turn off the light. I am consumed by darkness now.

\---------------------

so tell me what you think.

sorry super short


	4. 3

-@- MEANS THT HE IS WRITING IN HIS JORNAL.

\--------_----  
Harry POV  
Nothing.  
Nothing is what I feel right now. I lean my head against the window of the van and wait. We are going to another venue our last one of our tour then were home free.  
Thank the heavens.  
We stop in the back entrance and there is fans all around. The doors open and Paul is telling us to hurry up. I'm the last one out and I smile at the cameras.  
A fake smile.  
I wave at the fans and they scream. I feel someone grab my arm and is pulling me. I feel the familiar tingle of their touch. I shiver.  
Louis touch. It burns like a thousand fires igniting on one arm.  
I rip my arm away from him and walk ahead.  
I could feel his gaze on me as I walk into the venue first. My dressing room where is it. I read all the names on the door until I find mine.  
There is clothes on the hangers and shoes on the floor. The mirror is on the wall for me also a couch.  
Skimming through all the clothes trying to figure out what to wear.  
I grab just a simple black shirt and jeans. I slip them on and then some guy comes in and starts fixing the ear plugs in.  
After he is done I slip on my boots and put on my bandana.  
I look in the mirror. I try to avoid mirrors as much as possible. My reflection. It tells me everything.  
My eyes.  
There hallow and dark. The green is not shining like it used to all those months ago. I have darks bags under them from the lack of sleep.  
My sad and tired eyes.  
Ha. Just like the song. I see myself blink but don't feel it. I do feel anything at the moment.  
Not since... I don't remember actually.  
My hair.  
It's lifeless and not like it used to be. The curls are a bit flatten. They aren't as bouncy as before.  
I don't think anyone has notice but if they have then they haven't said anything.  
I step away from the mirror and wait for Lou to do my makeup.  
There is a knock and then she is walking in.  
"Hey Hazza"  
I nod towards her with a soft smile.  
"Okay let's do this quick because you’re on in 5"  
I sit on the stool.  
I lift my face and close my eyes.  
She starts humming to a song.  
"What song is that?" I ask  
"Um boy by little mix. Zayn has been playing their songs while I was in his room"  
She starts humming again as she brushes something under my eyes.  
"Forget that boy.   
That boy isn't good enough for you."  
I feel my throat started to close up.  
"You’re holding back tears in your eyes."  
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to think of something.  
"That boy want to fight but I never see him fighting for you."  
He never did fight for me or us. He gave up because it was hard. That is my assumption so far. He saw a way out of it and took the easy route.  
That courses through my head as I step onto the stage and into the dark ibis in front of me.  
The lights flash on and I'm blinded for a moment.  
I sing.  
I dance. A bit.  
I smile.  
I wave.  
But most of all.

I play the part.  
\----------_--------  
We step back into the van as it takes us to the airport.  
Vacations time.  
I should be going home but I don't want to. I already told mum about my plans and she said it was okay. That she understood.  
So I stand in the middle of the airport landing area with my bag around my shoulder and roller bag.  
The other lads are saying bye to each other.  
Zayn going home.  
Liam going to see Sophia then going home.  
Niall going home to Ireland.  
And Louis.  
He is going to see her. In Manchester. That’s what he has been saying for the last week.  
He is saying bye to Niall then turns to me. He is staring at me but I'm staring through him. He looks behind himself and furrows his eyebrows.  
He takes a step towards me and I tense.  
Stay back!  
I grip my bag and luggage tighter that my knuckles turn white.  
I pivot away from him as I head down to my terminal. I'm heading to the private jet but before I reach it.  
"Hey Harry!"  
I hear Niall yell.  
"Aren't you going to say bye?"  
I turn around and face them all.  
"See you later lads. Have a good vacation"  
That's all I say to them as I step towards my plane.  
I don't look back but keep loving forwards. That is all I can do anyway.  
Keep moving forward.  
Into the future.

Without you.  
\--------_------

He told me he would have never hurt me but look what happened. He hurt me.  
I think about this on my 12 hour flight to America.  
I didn't tell the boys about where I'm going. I have two body guards with me David and Mark. They are cool they volunteered to watch me as I stay here.  
-@-"So sick of your endless lies"  
I write into I'm journal. My journal is a brown leather book with the pages crinkled.  
-@-"If I go on... Could I finally forget those blue eyes?"  
It's a song book and just where I put my thoughts.  
-@-"It's all buried in the dust"  
Everything has turned into dust really. It's starting to drift in the wind and I won't ever be able to replace them.  
I turn on the lamp on top of my little table thing.  
-@-"Maybe I have lost my way"  
I think I have lost it. I'm lost in this... Place.  
-@-"Find a way through the dark"  
If I just had a light to pull me up and heal me and just not feel something for him.  
To be over him. I could go on.  
-@-"I wish I was strong enough to lift both of us"  
Maybe is I was strong enough we would have made it.  
I close the book and lean back. I rub my eyes.  
"Do you need anything Mr. Styles?"  
I look up at the flight attendant and shake my head.  
"No thank you"  
She is about to walk away but I reach out for her.  
"Wait"

She stops.  
"How much longer till we hit Florida?"  
She looks down at her watch.  
"About 4 hours"  
I nod and mumble a thank you.  
I sit back and close my eyes.

\-------__-------

 

I am shaken awake my Mark.  
“We have landed”  
I nod and stand up. I stretch my hands up above my head. I sigh as I feel my back pop and I slump back down.  
I have to wait for the car to take us to the next airport.   
I reach down and grab my journal and satchel and walk of the jet. I look down at my phone as they bring the car around. I take it off airplane mode and then all the messages start pilling in.   
-From Niall  
Haz what’s wrong?

-From Liam  
Are you okay?

-From Zayn  
Where are you heading off to?

-From mum   
Hope your flight went well. Hope to see you when you arrive back. Love you. Xoxo

I reply back to my mum but not to the boys.

-To mum  
Yeah it went good. Love you to Xoxo

I see the last message and my breath hitches.

-From Louis  
I’m sorry

I quickly turn off my phone before I do something drastic. Mark pulls up and I climb into the back as David get into the passenger seat.  
“The hotel is ready for you harry”  
“Thanks” I mutter  
They didn’t know but I had a plan. I needed to get away from everyone and be alone even my body guards. I had an escape plan.  
We arrived at the hotel and we checked in. my room was in the top floors until we leave again in a week.   
I’m leaving tonight after we are situated into our rooms and they have fallen asleep.  
It’s currently 8pm and the jet lag is starting to take affect but I must stay awake.  
I don’t unpack or anything I just wait until I think the time is right. But I start writing the note I plan to leave.  
Dear Mike, David, Lads, Mum, and Modest  
I need some time away for a while. I promise to be careful and I’m turning off my phone but I will call once in a while. I’ll see you before we start recording and you could yell at me then but for now bye.  
Modest don’t yell at the lads they didn’t even know where I was going. I’m the only one who knows about this.  
Don’t come looking for me because you won’t find me.  
\- Harry  
I put the letter on the table and look back at the clock. Its 11pm now.   
I stand up and grab my bags. I open the door quietly and peek my head out. There is no one in the hall. I don’t roll my bag I carry it.  
The elevator would make a noise but I see the door for the stairs. I open it and step in and close it quietly. I sigh with relief.   
Step one complete.  
I go down to the next level and take the elevator the rest of the way down. I keep my head down as I go through the lobby.   
I had a car rented under cash. It was parked in front of the hotel by the valet. He handed me my keys and I put my bags in the car.   
I see Mark stepping out of the elevator and he spots me. My eyes go wide as I jump into the car and start the car.   
“I hope he doesn’t lose his job for this” I mutter to myself.  
By the time Mark gets outside I’m already rounding the corner out of eye sight.

_____________---__________________

So here it is  
Tell me what you think  
Thanks for reading


	5. 4

Harry POV

The only sound in the car is the radio playing music in the background. I’m already out of Florida as the sign said about ten miles back. I see a sign that says there is a pay phone and I weigh my options.   
Should I call and say I’m okay or just keep driving.  
My conscious wins the best of me and I pull over. I don’t want to use my phone because they could track me and if they track this phone then they will find it in a middle of nowhere.   
I grab the receiver and dial in my mum’s number. She would be the most worried out of all of them.   
It rings two rings before she picks up.  
“Hello”  
“Mum”  
“Harry!”  
“Mum I just wanted to call and say I was okay and-“   
I hear shouts in the back ground and I furrow my eyebrows.  
“Mum who is there?”  
I can’t make out who is talking loudly.  
“Harry uh your management want to talk to you”  
“No mum. I called so I could just tell you I’m-“  
“Harry Styles! Where the hell are you?” our head manager says into the phone quite loudly.  
“Uh I don’t know”  
In truth I don’t actually know where I am. I just know I’m out of Florida.  
“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?”  
“Uh I don’t know” I say again “Now put my mum back on the phone”  
“Why didn’t you call on your phone?”  
“Because I don’t want you to fucking track it that’s why! Now fuck off and give my mum the phone!”  
“And if I don’t?”  
I don’t give him another second because I’m already slamming the receiver back onto the… thing and walking back to my car.   
I get in driving far away from that phone.  
Fuck you management!  
Hello sweet freedom!

\-----------_--------  
At Harry mum house 3rd person view

“We lost him” the lady with the computer says  
“What do you mean you lost him?” Paul asks  
“He hung up call was traced half way to the edge of Florida, but by now he might already be farther away”  
Why would he leave? I don’t get it?  
“Why wouldn’t he want to leave?” My conscious says to me.  
Paul turns to the boys “Did he tell you where he was going?”  
“No. I thought he was coming home” Niall says  
“No I don’t know”  
“Of course you don’t” I hear Zayn mutter  
“What?” I ask  
“It’s your fault anyway Louis, so stop playing dumb”   
“How is it my fault?”  
“Really Tomlinson?”  
“Yes really Zayn”  
Zayn jumps up off the couch and walks towards Louis.  
“You broke him dam heart Louis. Why do you think he has been so distant! Hugh”  
“I did-“  
“Save it Tomlinson! You broke Harry in every way shape and form. I have notice, the boys notice, hell even the fans notice how he always looks tired. His eyes hold no emotion at all and just keeps to himself. I’m surprised he is still surviving. How can you be so selfish! You were with Harry but when the go and gets tuff you back out because you’re scared!”  
“I’m not scared” Louis mutters  
Zayn laughs with no humor   
“You’re the most scarred person I have ever met. You can’t even stay committed. You know I have a poem that he wrote and threw away but I wanted to read it so I looked for it in the bin. I’m going to read it to you and YOU could see the damage you have done”  
Zayn grabs his wallet and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper and unfold it.  
He clears his throat.  
“And I find it funny that   
Every time I have the chance to  
Think good and long and hard  
I have a million things to occupy   
My mind but  
The subject of my attention  
Is always you  
(By no coincidence, I’m sure)  
And I always think of you  
Thinking of her  
And it shakes every single battered  
Piece of my heart and  
Then   
(With some degree of embarrassment)  
I realize that I rattle just loud   
Enough  
For everyone to   
Hear”  
Zayn finishes “Wait he wrote a little on that did the trick for me”  
“Meeting you was fate,  
Becoming your friend was a choice.  
But falling in love with you.  
I had no control over”  
“Hmm I wonder who these are about. Hu Lou. Who could that be?” oh I know the twat that broke him in the first place! I’m glad went off on his own. He needs piece for once and not people breathing down his throat and seeing you Louis. I hope you’re happy with Eleanor”  
With that Zayn walked out.  
Louis was left standing there realizing what he has done. He feels the tears prick his eyes.  
“What have I done?” he asks himself  
\---------_---------------

Harry POV

I pay the lady at the front desk in cash. I grab my suit case and walk to my room. I just drop everything near the door and lock the door.  
I see the bed and walk to it while dragging my feet.   
I’m so tired.  
I fall into the bed and kick off my shoes. I close my eyes and wish for dreamless sleep with nothing.   
\----------------  
tell me what you think  
thanks for reading!


	6. 5

Harry POV

I click the car and shove all my things in the boot. It has been officially a week since I talked to management and it feels refreshing. I climb into the car and start down the road. All that is in front of me is the road. I should have kind of planned this vacation but it was in the moment and just the plan to get away took some time.

 

I drum my fingers on the steering wheel as I listen to the music coming from my speakers. I look to my right and see a sign that reads Tennessee.

 

All that I see is grass and farms with a clear blue sky. I roll down the windows and let the fresh air come in. I smile as I take in a deep breath. The nice warm hair hits my face and my hair just flows along with it.

 

After driving for a couple of hours I see a lake or river maybe I don’t know. I take a road that leads me to the shore and I part. I climb out and my shoes make a crunch sound from the rocks. 

 

I walk up to the shore and look at the water. It is a clear blue. I take off my shoes and roll up my jeans a bit and sit near the edge of the water. But not close enough to get wet just my feet.

 

It is peaceful. The sun reflects off the water and it looks like crystals. It reminds me of something well someone but I don’t let my mind wonder that far.

 

“Hey! This is private property!” someone yells behind me.

 

I jump and turn around quickly.

 

I see a girl. She is quite…heavy but not too heavy just a bit big. She had blue eyes and brownish black hair. She had a flannel on with blue jeans on and converse.

 

I stand up quickly and hurry to slip on my shoes.

 

“Sorry” I say as she gets closer.

 

She squints at me “You’re not from around here are you?”

 

“What gave you that idea?”

 

“Your pale skin and accent”

 

“I’ll leave now” I say as I start walking towards my car.

 

“Hey!” I hear her say

 

I turn around “Yeah?”

 

“You look like you need a decent meal and a good night sleep”

 

“Well I was going to stop at a hotel around here”

 

She smiles “You could stay at my house, no charge”

 

“Look, I know what you’re playing and no thank you”

 

She looks confused for a minute “You think because you are a pop star that everyone likes you and wants to jump your bones. Sorry but I’ll have to disappoint you”

 

“What?”

 

“I like your music but that’s it. So do you want a good meal or you want to get junk food? Take your pick”

 

I contemplate on my options and she looks harmless. I shrug.

 

“Great now follow me”

 

“Wait my car”

 

“Leave it! No one is going to mess with it”

 

I follow her and walk beside her.

 

We get to a two story wooden house that looks old but sturdy at the same time. It’s paint is chipped and fading. She opens the door and kicks off her shoes.

 

“Take your shoes off”

 

I kick them off and follow her. The inside is nice and well kept.

 

“Dinner is almost done so wash up”

 

“Um…where?”

 

“The bathroom is down the hall to the right”

 

I follow her instructions and find it. I wash my hands and splash my face with water. I clutch the sink and look at the mirror.

 

I have bags under my eyes and my skin is quite pale.

 

I step out and walk back to the kitchen/dining room. She is setting the food on the table.

 

“I never caught your name” I say

 

“Hailey but you could call me hail”

 

“Okay” I see there is only two plates “Is it only the two of us?”

 

“Yeah”

 

“You live alone?”

 

“Yup”

 

“No parents?”

 

“No” she says as she takes her seat “They died in a car crash last summer”

 

My eyes widen at this information “I’m so sorry I-uh”

 

“No it’s fine” she says as she sends me a small smile “Well dig in”

 

There is fried chicken with peas and mash potatoes. There is a cup of water in front of me also. I cut a piece of meat and bring it to my mouth. I hum when it touches my tongue.

 

“How old are you?” I ask after I swallow

 

“Eight-teen. You?”

 

“Twenty”

 

“So you don’t have any sibling?”

 

She shakes her head. “No I only had my parents but now there…gone so it’s just me and betsy”

 

“Who is Betsy?”

 

“My horse”

 

“Oh”

 

We finish dinner and I help her bring the dishes to the kitchen.

 

“You know I lost someone too but not in the same way” I say to her.

 

She smiles at me sadly “Haven’t we all” she bites her lip “It’s the brown haired on isn’t it with the blue eyes”

 

I look down and nod slowly.

 

“It’s okay I don’t judge and I won’t tell. Who am I going to tell anyway?”

 

I smile at her. “I like you”

 

“Well thanks darling”

 

I finish helping her as she leads me to the guest bedroom. She wishes me goodnight and I do the same. I lay on the bed that is quite soft and comfortable. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

 

The next thing I know I’m being awoken to screaming. A girl screaming.

\------------------------------------------

so here it is.

I know it took awhile sorry.

thanks for reading.

tell me what you think


	7. 6

Harry POV

I jump out of bed and follow the sound of the screams. I reach Haley's room and open the door. She is laying in her be thrashing around. I grab her shoulders and start shaking them.

"Hayley! Wake up!" I keep shaking her until she opens her eyes with a gasp.

She pushes be to the side as she sits up and turns her back from me. I put my hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

She flinches at my touch and I move my hand away from her.

"Yeah" she says breathlessly "I'm fine"

"Are you-"

"Yes" she says while cutting me off "I'll see you in the morning"

"Uh-"

"Goodnight"

"Okay. Goodnight"

I leave her room knowing she is not fine. We are both not fine. Maybe that's why I kind of trust her so much.   
\--

The next morning I am awaken by a loud roaring sound coming from outside. I stretch as I sit up.

I look around the room and see my suitcase right beside the bed. I don't remember bringing it down from the car. There is a note beside the bed on the table.

Harry,

Went to the market will be back. Take a shower you stink.

-Hail

"Okay?"

Truth be told I kind of do stink. I have not taken a decent shower for three days so I kind of smell.

After I shower I go down the stairs where I see Hailey putting away the groceries.

She looks up when I walk in "Morning"

"Morning"

It turns quite after she hands me breakfast that she made earlier.

"When did you wake up?"

"7am"

"What time is it?"

"12pm"

I yawn "Really?"

"Would not lie to you"

"So...what are we going to do today?"

"Well I need to go through the farm and feed all the animals"

I sit there quietly as she finishes what she is doing.

"How long do you have?"

"Until when?"

"Until you have to go back?"

"About three weeks then I have to drive back and get on a plane while getting yelled at by everyone really"

She nods as she starts to rub her arm.

"How long are you going to be here?"

"Well I kind of like it here. I could help pay or whatever but I would like to stay here until I have to go back"

She nods with a smile. "Great. Now I have someone to grab the hay bundles"

"What?"

"You thought you would stay without helping? This is not a resort pop star" she shakes her head as she walks out of the room leaving me confused.

\--

I change into a black shirt with some jeans. She gave me some boots to wear out there. I think they were her dad's?

What I didn't know was by the end of the day I would be ready to pass out.

I grip the hay and throw it on the truck. I see Hayley with the chickens. She is feeding them while I do this.

This is the hardest I have ever worked physically.

I stare out into the field as I drink my water after I finish with the hay.

I step into the elevator as I go up to the meeting with management. It has been a while coming. I was wondering when would they be finally requesting for a meeting.

I am a few minutes late as I walk alone to the room. I get there and open the door but there is only Louis.

I walk in and close the door. "Is everyone late?"

"No, sit down Harry"

I take a seat next to Louis. He does not meet my eyes when I look at him. All he does is look down in his lap twiddling his fingers. Usually when he twiddled his fingers he is nervous. He shifts under my gaze.

"Lou?" I mumble to him

I go to reach out for him but the man sitting in front of us clears his throat.

"Lets start shall we?" He starts "So there has been been a major threat to the fanbase. This 'ship' has gone too far and someone just informed me that it is true. Do you know what that can do to your career? It will tear down everything we have work towards. The media will chew you guys up and spit you out. So I already took it into thought and Louis already agreed"

I stopped breathing at this point.

"Louis is going to have a 'girlfriend'. A fake girlfriend to cover up what has been happening-"

"No" I whisper

"Sorry?"

"No, this is crazy. A 'girlfriend'!" I turn to Louis "You agreed?" I said with my voice laced with hurt.

He did not meet my gaze and jut nodded.

I felt a lump forming in my throat as I four the tears threatening to fall. I stand up abruptly.

"I guess that you two have already made up your mind that my opinion is not needed"

"Harry sit down"

"No! Louis please tell me you didn't?" I look at him but all he does is say.

"It's for the best"

"For who?"

"For everyone" the man more like enemy behind the desk.

"For everyone or you?" I say to Louis "I have always put you first Louis. What happened to what you said to me?"

"It changed Harry" this time he does meet my eyes and they are not the eyes have grown to love. They are empty and dark. Not full of love like how they were filled not even twenty-four hours ago.

"What changed? How you feel for me? or how you are a coward when it comes to facing things like this?" He holds my gaze as the first tear falls without a warning "I love you" I tell him "is that not enough to hold you against anyone is saying?"

He looks away and I know my answer.

I purse my lips as I look away from him.

"Well, that's that. I am going to leave now an I don't give a shit what you say do what you want. I'll be your little puppet in this charade you are trying to play"

I walk open the door and close it with a slam.

I take in a shuddering breath as more tears fall. I let a couple of tears fall as I stand in the elevator. The door dings and I wipe my face. I put my sunglasses on seeing there are fans outside.

They will know. They will see through the lies. I walk out and plaster a smile as I take pictures and sign things. I smile as I feel my heart slice with every flash of a camera. I feel a little part of me dwindle into the crowd of fans. I smile and wave at each one until I get in the car and get to our apartment. That's when I let myself breakdown as I lock myself in our room. As I cry into the pillows we have slept on.

I hear the faint knocking on my door already knowing who it is but I don't bother answering it. I eventually fall asleep from exhaustion.

I wake a little to the sound of someone crawling into the bed with me.

"I am sorry Harry. So sorry"

I may have lost him but I still have him in ways. I will take as much as I can until something or someone comes and ruins it to an extent that it will be unbearable.

So I let him in. I am weak when it comes to him. I am always weak. I am only human, and humans are weak when it comes to someone they love.

My weakness is Louis Tomlinson and I love him to an extent that it hurts so much to even breath around him. To even be in the same room because I don't feel worthy to be in his presence. To be able to say that he is mine, but he is not mine. Not fully and it kills me to know that deep down things have changed. Things will change and it will not be for the better but for the worst.

That I will break to an extent that I will not be able to mend by his simple touches. To an extent that I will be nothing but atoms formed into a human that is a shell of emptiness. To an extent where just being near him hurts more than loving him, hurts not than any honorable death there is known to man.

But until then I will have what I can get because it will not last. No not the way he would look at her in public just for him to come comfort me and be with me. Then the next moment with her.

I will cherish what time left I have with Louis Tomlinson like it will be the last. I just didn't know it will come so soon.

"Harry?"

"What?"

"Are you okay? you have been staring off for quite awhile"

"Honestly?" I say to her.

"Yeah"

I turn back to her a I feel the tears well up. "No" I say to her. "No I am not fine, not even close to being fine not for a kind time Hayley and I don't think I will be for awhile"

\-------

Okay yes I suck! its been a long time yes I know.

I kind of cried while writing the flash back. Just saying.

So tell me what you think.

Thanks for reading.


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